Why Single Women Love Married Men

hqdefaultAny of us who are in a fully committed relationship will have our views on cheating. Some are more liberal than others but every couple will have {hopefully}their own definition of what is acceptable for their relationship. Some define cheating in terms of sexual activity with someone outside marriage. My own opinion is that anything that takes focus away from the relationship, emotional or physical can be classed as “cheating”. I agree that my boundaries might be deemed as strict by some but it works for me and my relationship. Men, especially {rightly so sometimes} have a bad reputation for their pursuit of activities outside of a relationship. Of course, women stray too. A survey done by Women’s Health magazine found that men and women cheat in equal numbers but for different reasons. Not surprisingly perhaps, men mostly cheated because they wanted more sex, women through relationship boredom and perceived lack of attention and affection. However, this post is not really about that. I want to examine the serial single women who attach themselves to married men, sometimes again and again. I do realise at this point that there are men who do the same.

Just why would a woman involve herself in a relationship that seems on the surface to be to her disadvantage, is normally going nowhere and would potentially bring her pain. Taking out the behavior of the man involved, there are very good reasons why this sometimes happens and why some women find this type of relationship preferable. It could be one or a combination of these.

  1. Married men have at one stage shown commitment. Despite the fact that these men are in effect breaking that commitment, they have {in the mind of the woman} shown that they can commit if they want to. The woman might live in hope that he will again with her. It is a bit like buying a used car with one careful owner! This could well be the case if relationships with available men have gone wrong a number of times.
  2. They are usually mature. {In theory} Married men have in theory moved out of their basement, away from excessive behavior and video games! They are a safe choice in the mind of the woman looking to be o-marriage-affair-facebookinvolved with them. Particularly, if a woman has dated a series of immature men, she might get the idea that all the “good” guys are taken, so why not get one. The concept about getting married is that you do it when the immature times are over {generally not always true} and it is seen as very adult. What better than to bag yourself a tried and tested model.
  3. Self-esteem boost. “I am special and worthy because he chose me over his wife and family”. We mustn’t rule out that some women like a challenge. Capturing a married man is the ultimate self-esteem boost despite the consequences for all concerned. All this shows is the insecurity deep inside the woman to begin with. Without working on these issues, the woman would need more and more “thrills” as time goes on.
  4. He enables intimacy issues. This is, in my opinion the major factor in this concept. Any woman who has intimacy and/or commitment issues will find exactly what they are looking for with a married man and the less available he is, usually the better. There will usually be no holidays, trips away at the weekend {he does this with his wife and kids}. I have known women in this situation who have complained bitterly about the fact that her married affair will not leave his wife but say in the next sentence, they could not imagine living with him in a relationship. He can never get too close and if he does, then the relationship is usually over. Some women have decided never to trust men and this is their way of being in control.
  5. I get to live my life and this is thrilling. Some women in this situation would love the thrill of sneaking around….it is thrilling and adventurous but has the advantage that she can live her daily life in the way she wants…why complicate it by bringing a man in who may want to change things or put limits on what is done? Having a relationship with a married man gives a woman “breathing room” and she doesn’t need to deal with the daily work that goes into a relationship.
  6. It could just be love. Let’s not rule out that this married man might just be compatible with the woman and they will eventually get together. Stranger things have happened!

What women in this situation sometimes fail to realise is that despite the above, she is in effect the person he cheated with and this actually means that he cannot be trusted. The assumption around committment and trust are shaky at best. He cheated once, he may do it again. Once the excitement and the thrill has died down {and the sex becomes routine}, the woman just might find herself in the same situation as the wife. Be careful what you wish for..comes to mind!

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Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals, couples, groups and companies with a speciality in CBT techniques. Apart from seeing clients face-to-face, Dr. Jenner also runs a thriving online therapy business bringing help to those who find taking therapy online as convenient and tailored for their needs. More Details HERE

  4 comments for “Why Single Women Love Married Men

  1. February 18, 2017 at 6:04 am

    Reblogged this on Free From Codependency With Dr. Nicholas Jenner.

  2. February 18, 2017 at 6:29 am

    Interesting observations.

    • February 18, 2017 at 6:30 am

      Thank you. It happens more often than you might believe!

      • February 18, 2017 at 7:24 am

        Oh. I can believe that.
        Though my explanation was mainly that wanting something you can’t have (or shouldn’t have) makes it even more exiting.
        But as you demonstrated, the answer can be much more complex sometimes.

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