What is the point of therapy unless there is a clear measurable goal? A question I have often asked myself and one that I am sure many people who seek therapy ask themselves too. There are many therapeutic approaches that are non-directional, that is the aim is not to direct proceedings but to facilitate change…
We all experience self-talk to varying degrees. Some of it can be positive but mostly it berates us, make us feel guilty, angry, can encourage us to slip into addiction or procrastination and can certainly overwhelm us if not checked. Most people who describe how it affects them also describe how it keeps them stuck…
Masochistic Personality Disorder was removed from the latest version of the DSM. Some eminent scholars, notably Theodore Millon, regard its removal as a mistake and lobby for its reinstatement in future editions. Whether or not it it is documented in the manual or not, there is ample evidence that it exists in some form and…
Think about the following situations and the resulting behaviour : A text message from your partner’s former lover sends you into a spiral of rage, insecurity and self-doubt. They reassure you but you are convinced they are cheating. You want to change your job but fail to apply for a new one because you are convinced…
Anyone who is a regular reader of my work will know that I work with a lot of codependents who generally share a similar set of behaviour patterns with each other. Codependents are generally very nice people who have often been taken advantage of many times but have also been in situations where they have…
The concept of an inner critic is well known but most people have to deal with more than one manifestation. There might be one that attacks you for doing too much of something and another who then berates you for being lazy. The advice would be to work with each separately. I will now look…
In 2015, I had the pleasure of taking part in a podcast that looked at how inner child therapy can help with codependency. The podcast was recieved favourably by many people and now I am offering you the chance to hear it again: Listen to the podcast Here Below is the introduction to the podcast…
Due to their lack of self-esteem and the inability to self-care, codependents become enmeshed with others easily. They work on the idea that all the while they are like this, they do not have to face their own acute issues. They seek their validation from outside and react badly when this is not forthcoming in…
Over the years as a therapist, I have seen the rise in alcohol abuse among patients and in the environment around them. Many of them can only feel good when they can escape their problems through a drunken haze. Many of them deny they have a problem with drinking and some of them deny that…
In my last post, I wrote about the characteristics of counter-dependency and how this is defined by projection of a “strong” personality that hides the fear of true intimacy and commitment. Many people who identify as counter-dependent see themselves as exhibiting healthy autonomy and this is often the impression they give to others. However, there…
