Many good relationships can be tarnished by conflict. Conflict is truly inevitable when two people come together and the ability to manage it and find solutions will go a long way to predicting how long they might stay together. In fact, many observers will suggest that it is probably the most important aspect of a…
I have recently been very nostalgic about the Seventies. Not with any great fondness but it was a very significant time for me. In this decade, I went from being 8 to 18 and my near adult self was formed. Growing up in the UK at this time was not easy. The political situation was…
When I give a free initial consultation to a new client and it concerns codependency, I often get asked a very relevant question. That is…“why do you feel you understand me as a possible codependent?” According to many referrals that I get, that level of understanding amongst therapists is quite low on a deeper level.…
There are many articles around on the internet about all types of narcissism and the dangers of being in a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. The advice is clear : get away from the situation as quickly as possible. Anyone who is more on the codependent side of the continuum will testify that…
We are all stuck at some stage of our lives and nobody is immune. We get stuck in jobs, relationships and other personal and family matters. When this happens, we cannot meet our needs, make decisions and we “spin our wheels”, thinking about what to do. Even when people around advise us to look at…
There is an old native American legend concerning the “Two-Faced Monster”. Here it is: Two-Face is a malevolent humanoid monster of the Plains Indian tribes. In some tribes Two-Faces are described as ogres, but most often the Two-Face resembles a human except for having a second face on the back side of his or her…
We all have to face change. Whether it is forced on us by such things as a relationship break-up or illness or if, more positively we decide to make that change by choice, change is never easy and will often need time for adjustment. We actually face change more often than we think but the…
The ideal woman for many men comes straight out of a codependent checklist. Many women are taught from an early age that they have to be a certain “way” around men. I have often dealt with women who are involved with abusive, emotionally distant men and cannot see that this is not functional for them.…
I have just finished writing a series of codependency stories where I documented various aspects of situations people found themselves in and how different aspects of their character defined how they saw the situation and ultimately how they behaved. Many showed extreme reactions to the environment around them and some were working on assumptions. I…
Today we meet J who is in an abusive relationship with S. In therapy, she has documented evidence of frequent physical, emotional and verbal abuse. She has lost all her self-confidence that she claimed to have had before and spends most of her time wondering why she is in the kind of relationship she is…