Tag: child abuse and neglect

The Lack Of Psychological Birth That Leads To Codependency

Codependency is not a disease and should not be treated like one. When managed care systems finally recognise it as a disorder, there will surely be a push to apply a medical model to recovery, where such systems are only willing to pay for a few sessions supplemented by medication. It is my firm opinion…

Spanking Doesn’t Work And Drives Bad Behaviour Underground

Over the weekend, I witnessed a physical assault on a young child. You might not be surprised to know that he was with his parents at the time. I was in a store with my wife and a couple who had previously allowed their young boy to run around unattended, suddenly sprung into action when…

Re-parenting your Inner Child

We have seen clearly in my previous set of posts how an inner critic is formed from the defence mechanisms used by the wounded, criticised child and how these can be taken forward into adulthood. Part of the process of dealing with the inner critic and the chaos it causes is to re-parent our inner…

Positive Discipline : The importance of autonomy for children

As children grow older, they like to explore and push boundaries. What they are looking for is a sense of autonomy and self-confidence, an important cog in the wheel of development. The way parents handle this is crucial for the child’s development.When children are not allowed to explore in a child proof home or are punished…

Punishment is not Discipline (Part 2) Considerations

When my daughter who is now 30 started crawling, we attended as a couple some parenting classes. This was supplemented by visits from the seminar leader to consolidate the theory in practice. We thought at the time..why not? We are young, this is our first child and we thought we could surely learn something. As…

Punishment is not Discipline (Part 1)

The first weeks of a baby’s life can be gruelling and tiring for the new parents. Some parents can be completely overwhelmed with this new life that is suddenly thrust upon them. During these early phases, mistakes can be made that can have an effect in the years to come.  Experts often cite the first…

Staying With Your Partner After Infidelity?

Once infidelity occurs in a relationship, it breaks the foundation of trust that might have been the one of the main reasons the relationship maintained itself. Let’s face it, many marriages will not survive infidelity and there will be an immediate or gradual separation. However, a few decide to work on it and in that…

Take Your Internal Family To A Safe Place

In my last post, I talked about the value of meeting a “younger self” in visualisation. I said and believe that this is an emotional but worthwhile step in trying to come to terms with childhood trauma, lack of connection or other dysfunctional aspects of a parent-child relationship. It brings a good amount of awareness,…

Meeting Your Younger Self Tells You All You Need To Know

While doing inner child work with clients, I often run them through a guided visualisation where they meet and greet a younger version of themselves. It is mostly an incredibly emotional experience but also gleans insight into how really connected they are with their past and subsequently, the emotions attached to it. At the end…

Soothing Our “Child Part” Will Keep The Narcissist At Bay

I have worked with codependents for many years and have witnessed first-hand the devastation that occurs when a cruel, self-centred individual breezes in and out of their life. Life is not the same for a while and self-confidence and a belief in ability to live life in a functional way is replaced by low self-esteem,…