There is an old saying that goes “One day in your life, you will look in the mirror and see your parent looking back at you”. Many of us carry features of our parents personality and behaviour in the way we look at the world, which is of course, natural. They did produce us and…
Today we meet J who is in an abusive relationship with S. In therapy, she has documented evidence of frequent physical, emotional and verbal abuse. She has lost all her self-confidence that she claimed to have had before and spends most of her time wondering why she is in the kind of relationship she is…
The time has finally come. Your friendly neighbourhood narcissist has decided to ship out and move on to his next victim. The disappointment, guilt and feelings of being abused hurt and will take some time to get over but with him gone, it will certainly get slowly easier. However, the choice whether it is the…
It is common advice when recovering from narcissist abuse to go “no-contact” or more simply put, cut the person completely out of your life and block any possibility they have to get back in touch. There are many websites proclaiming “no-contact” as the main weapon against the temptation to get back with an abusive ex.…
“The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart.” ― April Mae Monterrosa In my daily work with codependents, I hear a lot about so-called “red-flags”. Usually this comes when clients are describing the early stages of a relationship they were or are in. If they are describing…
As a therapist and a person who deals in reality and common sense in my own life, it is hard to see some of the decisions that other people make in the name of love and devotion. What happens to the human brain that cannot see the plainly obvious in front of them? Where intelligent,…
I talk a lot about boundaries. I believe they are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Setting boundaries means being emotionally honest, assertive and it means protect your emotional and physical space. Boundaries maintained and with appropriate consequences teach people in a healthy way how you want to be treated. In therapy, especially with codependents,…
Online dating has been the preferred method of finding a partner for many people for many years. A lot of people have had success and many will testify to the effectiveness and ease of using this method. The industry gets bigger all the time and more and more people are signing up. They pay for…
The following statistics are startling: Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family. Domestic violence is the leading…
I always remember the quote ” Life is about the choices you make. If you want a better life, make different choices”. This very true quote is often lost on people who blame their circumstances, upbringing or insecurity for not making a decision that could change their lives. This comes to mind when I see the…