Having Trouble With Conflict Management And Resolution; Set Rules

Many good relationships can be tarnished by conflict. Conflict is truly inevitable when two people come together and the ability to manage it and find solutions will go a long way to predicting how long they might stay together. In fact, many observers will suggest that it is probably the most important aspect of a…

Why Codependents Often Think Narcissist Abuse Is Because Of Them

Sometimes the hardest task for a therapist is to convince a codependent that they have actually been abused by their narcissist (ex) partner. Look at some of the statements I have heard: “If I had not been so needy, maybe it would have worked” “It must have been me. All other relationships I had were…

Nostalgia And Connecting With My Inner Self

I have recently been very nostalgic about the Seventies. Not with any great fondness but it was a very significant time for me. In this decade, I went from being 8 to 18 and my near adult self was formed. Growing up in the UK at this time was not easy. The political  situation was…

The Value Of Assignments In Therapy Cannot Be Understated

One of my clients said to me the other day that she had seen many therapists but no-one like me. While I was still trying to work out whether this was a compliment or not, she clarified this by saying that she has had more contact with me in three months than with others in…

The “Golden Child” Is An Abused Child…Simple

There are many articles around on the internet about all types of narcissism and the dangers of being in a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. The advice is clear : get away from the situation as quickly as possible. Anyone who is more on the codependent side of the continuum will testify that…

Loss Is A Key Element Of Depression

Life is such that we never get all that we want and this is probably just as well. When we taste some amount of success, we are usually rightly elated for a short time.  However, part of this is that we have also to get used to loss when things go against us. Whether it…

How Our Childhood Never Really Leaves Us..Until It Does

There is an old saying that goes “One day in your life, you will look in the mirror and see your parent looking back at you”. Many of us carry features of our parents personality and behaviour in the way we look at the world, which is of course, natural. They did produce us and…

Codependents: Beware The Two-Faced Monster

There is an old native American legend concerning the “Two-Faced Monster”. Here it is: Two-Face is a malevolent humanoid monster of the Plains Indian tribes. In some tribes Two-Faces are described as ogres, but most often the Two-Face resembles a human except for having a second face on the back side of his or her…