Codependency is not a disease and should not be treated like one. When managed care systems finally recognise it as a disorder, there will surely be a push to apply a medical model to recovery, where such systems are only willing to pay for a few sessions supplemented by medication. It is my firm opinion…
Many codependents that I see in my practice have very little idea of the concept of self-care. This might be because they are generally dealing with the care of others which for them is a constant quest for acceptance. While engaging in such one-sided activities, the one thing forgotten is the self-care they desperately need.…
There are many theories and models available to inform us what makes a good marriage. Many talk about trust, honesty, faithfulness and effective communication skills. All of these factors are relevant and are essential elements of a good relationship. Any relationship is hard work and that work doesn’t get easier as time goes on but…
It has been said that a large part of the global population is codependent on something or somebody. That something could be work, substances, alcohol. That somebody could be a partner, parent or boss. Yes, there are many ways to be codependent and many are codependent towards more than one “object” leading to a fairly…
Codependents love to give. It is what they do, continually. As I have mentioned in previous posts, this giving comes with an element of return… giving for codependents means having control and they try to keep that status quo. However, despite these attempts, it sometimes goes wrong and a decision needs to be made… a…
Over the weekend, I witnessed a physical assault on a young child. You might not be surprised to know that he was with his parents at the time. I was in a store with my wife and a couple who had previously allowed their young boy to run around unattended, suddenly sprung into action when…
Can you imagine what it is like for a child who is trying to work out how the world works, being dragged into the adult world before they are ready? In this scenario, this is being done to them by the very people who should be teaching them healthily what it means to be a…
We have seen clearly in my previous set of posts how an inner critic is formed from the defence mechanisms used by the wounded, criticised child and how these can be taken forward into adulthood. Part of the process of dealing with the inner critic and the chaos it causes is to re-parent our inner…
There will be many people who come across this post who are stuck. Stuck in life generally but specifically in relationships that are abusive, dysfunctional and with people who care very little about them. They will complain, sometimes medicate themselves, often seek therapy but the urge to stay exactly where they are is overwhelmingly strong.…
Codependents show and exhibit many common symptoms. One of these and one that I see often with clients is hyper-vigilance, not in the sense of physical threat but mostly to do with observing a partner’s behaviour for signs of change. For codependents who constantly live with insecurity, these signs could mean a lot. Many clients…