I have just finished writing a series of codependency stories where I documented various aspects of situations people found themselves in and how different aspects of their character defined how they saw the situation and ultimately how they behaved. Many showed extreme reactions to the environment around them and some were working on assumptions.
I have been offering online therapy for over 10 years. During that time, I have built up a speciality in many areas of psychology (especially Codependency) and helped many clients move forward. Contact me for a free consultation. I engage fully with my clients to ensure the best possible chance of recovery. I firmly believe that awareness is important but action is the decisive element of recovery. I accompany my clients along that road not only by offering sessions focusing on their issues but as a resource between sessions too.
Buddha allegedly said that we are what we think and what we think we become. Stephen Covey said the way we see the problem is the problem. These great minds stated what I believe to be firmly true, in that how we think and allow our minds to influence us determines how capable we are of dealing with many of the situations we might find ourselves in. Let’s look at why I believe this happens.
As a child growing up in an ‘ok’ family, any dysfunction felt by the child can be minimal when aware parents ‘coach’ and set appropriate boundaries. This calls for an awareness and knowledge of developmental phases and how a child will cognitively develop. In a home where abuse, neglect, substance abuse or where a punitive parenting style exists, children will sense danger and threat and will adjust their thinking and behaviour accordingly.
This means in practice development of protection measures designed to warn them or keep them away from perceived or real threat. They are based around our natural fight or flight response to stress. Additionally, children will adopt a core belief about themselves based on their interaction with caregivers. These are usually a feeling of not feeling good enough, unlovable or that the world is a dangerous place for them.
As the child becomes an adult, protection measures become part of a personality consolidated by “thinking parts” that dominate, work together and against each other to avoid us facing the same threat again. They will attempt to sabotage new relationships, jobs or any change where life might need a bit of effort. The inner critic is the most well known but there are many other “voices” associated with our self-talk that can be just as destructive. The escape voice or inner rebel, the guilt voice, anger voice all want a say. Ideally, we can counter these with an inner mentor that can provide leadership, compassion and direction for us.