Category: SELF-HELP

Is Our Path In Life Defined By Abuse?

One of the enduring questions of human development and behaviour is why we take the paths that we do. What influences us in our choice of partner, profession, lifestyle and other things that make us who we are? This is a deep and complicated question even if a “good enough” upbringing has been experienced but…

5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Change Your Life

Life doesn’t always go as planned. As humans, we have to face constant changes in our lives and sometimes we get stuck. We get stuck in jobs, relationships, situations and life generally. Sometimes, we can pull through, other times more difficult. We are generally a resilient species and mostly we do what we can to…

Watch The Narcissist Who Flies Under The Radar

The typical image of a narcissist is one who sucks the air out of a room. He or she is the center of attention and demands center stage. This is the way that they boost their self-esteem void by making themselves seem far superior to all around them and they truly believe that everyone is…

Should You Bother Trying To Set Boundaries With A Narcissist?

I talk a lot about boundaries. I believe they are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Setting boundaries means being emotionally honest, assertive and it means protect your emotional and physical space. Boundaries maintained and with appropriate consequences teach people in a healthy way how you want to be treated. In therapy, especially with codependents,…

Conflict: Problem Solving Rather Than Accusation

When problems arise in a relationship, couples are often told they need to “communicate” – or talk to each other. If a couple is in crisis, my feeling is that they need to talk more and not less. However, even those who do this often do not know how to talk about problems effectively and…

Should Your Spouse Be Involved In Your Therapy?

I know, this flies in the face of all we know and accept about client-therapist dynamics and the therapeutic process. But let’s face it, therapy is hard work. Undertaking the process means facing things that have been sometimes locked away for years. Once you open that door, you are never sure who or what will…

Thinking Of Yourself Is Not Narcissism. Your Needs Are Important And It Starts With You

There is a fine line between meeting your own needs in a healthy sense and expecting to take everything around you. This is the fundamental line that many find difficult to navigate and feel guilt and shame when they try to think of themselves. Consequently, many people spend their life making sure everyone else is…

Why Stay When You Know You Have To Leave?

There are times in our lives when big decisions have to be made and the consequences faced, however grim they  may be. How many of us can actually say we enjoy this process? Not many, I guess. However, doing this is part of life and the alternative is probably worse. As humans, we have become…

The Power Of Nature Can Bring Everything Into Perspective.

I recently watched a documentary on the Vietnam War. I vividly remember the images on black and white TV in the Sixties when it was happening. A pointless war where thousands died and the effects are still being felt today on both sides. One thing the documentary taught me was that wars are started by…

Emotional Honesty: What It Is And Why It Is Important

Most people are emotionally dishonest for various reasons. A bold statement, maybe but in my experience it is a true statement. Look at this quote: “Most of us feel that others will not tolerate emotional honesty. We would rather defend our dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others; and having rationalised our phoniness into…