Category: COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY

Those Who Say Can’t Usually Mean Won’t

How many times have you heard someone say “I can’t change”? If you are like me, you have heard it many times. In most cases, what is really being said is “I won’t change”… I am happy with how I am and I see no reason to change. When you are in a relationship with…

When the Going gets Tough, The Tough get Going!

I often use my own personal experience to highlight elements of my posts. Even in therapy, my own stories shared sparingly and at the right time can help others to put their own stories into perspective. The Native Americans believe in their culture that life is about stories. When one story ends, another begins and…

What Really Makes Us Happy?

I had a very interesting conversation recently on just this subject. My discussion partner was, at the time, pontificating about money. His argument went something like “Many people are only interested in the accumulation of wealth but once they have it, they are still not happy. It is not how much money you have but…

The Fear Factor

The old saying goes “Life is about choices. If you don’t like your life, make better choices”.  This is totally correct. We make choices about most of the things that happen to us in our lives. We can choose to stay in a relationship or go, we can mostly choose to be happy or sad,…

A Therapist must have Boundaries

Just where are the boundaries between therapist and client? What can you expect your therapist to divulge about himself and his view on the world? This is often one of the confusing aspects of therapy for many clients.   Irvin Yalom has been an advocate of having a less rigid approach to therapy in certain cases,…

How CBT can help with Maladaptive Thinking

I can’t quite remember where I heard it first but it has fascinated me for a long time. The quote went ” You know you are getting old when you look in the mirror one day and find your parent looking at you”. As time marches on, this gem becomes more and more relevant but…

Reflection Versus Rumination

“It is necessary … for a man to go away by himself … to sit on a rock … and ask, ‘Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going?” ― Carl Sandburg It is that time of year when we all naturally look back at how the last year has shaped…

CBT : How Perfectionism Can Lead To Depression

Perfectionism can mean many things to many people. It can be seen as striving for excellence. It can mean a controlling attitude but more often it means holding on to unattainable standards that demand unyielding compliance from self, others and situations. This is more than just having an eye for details or suffering disappointment due to not…

The Way We See The Problem, Often Is The Problem

I always remember the quote ” Life is about the choices you make. If you want a better life, make different choices”.  This very true quote is often lost on people who blame their circumstances, upbringing or insecurity for not making a decision that could change their lives. This comes to mind when I see the…

Those “Aha” Moments Don’t Happen Without Chemistry

As a therapist, I am always happy when one of my clients has a “aha” moment. This is that very moment when everything comes together and you just know, it is going to initiate some form of positive change in the client’s disposition. I may have realised it was going to happen some time before…