Boundaries Continue To Be An Issue
Much of my work is about discussing how to set and maintain boundaries in personal and work relationships. Many people have no issue learning to set boundaries when they see the sense in that. However, they have big issues with maintaining them and setting consequences if boundaries continue to be crossed. A boundary without appropriate maintainence and consequence is just a set of empty words. This probably, again comes from childhood where we were not taught boundaries or self-responsibility for the choices we made. Boundaries were either too tight or too loose. I would go as far as to say that if healthy boundaries are not present in a relationship, how can we ever say it is a healthy one? More on setting boundaries HERE
Life Is Really About Choices
I keep talking about how much influence we have over our lives and why people often don’t make the right choices. There are a myriad of reasons for this including lack of discipline, will, fear or conditioning. However, sometimes the wrong choices seem like the right ones at the time and we have difficulty changing our mind. What is clear is that the choices we make will determine the situation we find ourselves in. Never were truer words spoken; ‘If you are in a situation due the choices you made and you are not happy, make different choices’.
Codependents; Stay In The Present Moment!
If you are codependent, it means as a matter of course that you are in effect stuck in the past, playing out behavior learnt in childhood in the adult world. Codependency is a behavioral issue based on dysfunctional connection with primary caregivers and unless managed will follow the sufferer through the ages and different relationships. A belief of mine is that link needs to be processed and eventually broken if a codependent is to start putting themselves in a healthy relationship with themselves and eventually others. While therapy calls for deep work to reframe early experiences, an important element of recovery is the ability to make the right choices in the present moment where all the evidence you need to make choices is right in front of you.
Narcissism On The Rise?
There was a time not too long ago when the only time the term ‘narcissist’ was used came with a confirmed diagnosis of NPD. That officially should still be the case but the term is now freely thrown around to describe anyone who might truly be a narcissist to others who are self-centered or even on occasions when they won’t do what someone wants them to do. That said, we live in an age of self-promotion and self-centered behavior. Millions can be made online with such methods and there are many willing to follow people with very little talent who post a selfie or two per day and call it work. Maybe this whole movement has given rise to more narcissistic ‘look at me’ mindsets which spill over into our daily lives and relationships. We can probably say if there was more testing, we would have many more people being officially labeled!
Alcohol Is A blight On Families And Society
Over the years as a therapist, I have seen the rise in alcohol abuse among patients and in the environment around them. Many of them can only feel good when they can escape their problems through a drunken haze. Many of them deny they have a problem with drinking and some of them deny that they drink at all. It has become a habit and an ingrained one at that. I have also seen how alcohol abuse can ravage the mind, body and spirit, cause severe health and mental problems and lead to inappropriate behavior such as promiscuity, aggression and drink driving. All usually justified by stating “I wouldn’t have done this when I was sober!” or something of the like. This is the major problem : It becomes totally routine to drink and justify it, leading to an increase in consumption to get the same effect. Not only is this a drain on families but also on society in general. The National Institute of Drug and Alcohol Abuse in America states that the costs of healthcare, related crime, lost productivity, etc of drug and alcohol abuse in 2017 was around 600 billion dollars…for alcohol alone 275 billion dollars. These are staggering sums, more than some countries have available generally. Something badly needs to be done and fast.