Humans are the most interesting of species. We have the ability to determine our future, analyse the past, and make conscious decisions based on sensory input and the study of human behavior is wide and extensive. That said, when we interact with other human beings in a romantic sense, we often get it wrong and sometimes very wrong. We often repeat the same mistakes over and over again and we seem powerless to learn from them. Yet occasionally we get it very right and we form a connection with another human being that can potentially last a lifetime. Why we click with one and not another is one of the great mysteries of life and one that is not easily answered.
As a therapist of many years experience, I have been involved with many couples who have been in crisis, most trying desperately to hold on to what was and trying too hard to come to terms with the inevitable changes that take place in both the individuals and the relationship. Sometimes, it is too late for some of them but every so often, couples can be brought back from the brink by looking at themselves and the way they interact. Often it is a case of reminding them of the fundamentals, sometimes teaching them something new. Sadly, sometimes it is about preparing them for separation and moving on. This book looks closely at such issues and more.
Every case I deal with is different. There is always a different dynamic due to the individuals involved. We are all different in the way we look at the world and the people around us. However, problems in relationships can usually be narrowed down to a few issues that occur independent of personality or the type of relationship. This book does not try to reinvent the wheel or bring any new concept to the subject. It simply looks at what we generally expect from relationships, what happens when it goes wrong, and why and what we can try to do to make it work. It is not a book that needs reading from cover to cover, more of a reference guide that can be continually dipped into.
I firmly believe that many couples are totally unprepared for what awaits them when they enter into a relationship. What this book will hopefully show is that by getting the simple things right and working hard on the relationship, success can be within reach.
Even though much of the book is based on my work, there is also a large dose of personal experience mixed in. If this book can help just one couple to get back on track, I will deem it a success. Such is my hope in writing it.
Years in the making, this book looks at our expectations of romantic interaction. Learn how to understand your relationship, what can go wrong and more importantly what you can do to put it right. Reach for the ideal in your relationship.
Relationships often fail because we forget the fundamentals of human interaction. We forget to listen, we forget to communicate what we are feeling or thinking. We make assumptions without having real evidence in front of us. We blame our conditioning, our childhood but sometimes fail to realise that we have choices. Choices that make or break our relationships. We fail to realise that doing nothing is also a choice.
”I hope by reading this book, you might gather that relationships often fail because we forget the fundamentals of human interaction. We forget to communicate what we are feeling or thinking. We make assumptions without having evidence in front of us. We become impatient, look for something new and sometimes end up where we started. …Nothing is perfect but very good and excellent can be had with the right partner, attitude and amount of work”. Epilogue, Our Quest for Happily Ever After.