Month: November 2017

Success In Therapy Is All About The Relationship.

As a therapist, I am always happy when one of my clients has a “aha” moment. This is that very moment when everything comes together and you just know, it is going to initiate some form of positive change in the client’s disposition. I may have realised it was going to happen some time before…

Where Homework Can Help In Therapy

One of my clients said to me the other day that she had seen many therapists but no-one like me. While I was still trying to work out whether this was a compliment or not, she clarified this by saying that she has had more contact with me in three months than with others in a…

Being An Online Therapy Client

Many people reading this will have heard of online therapy but might find it hard to imagine how it works. What better than to hear from someone who has been there and done that. Here one of my former patients shares her experiences of life in online therapy. I was a reluctant client at first…

A Reflection On Online Therapy…10 years After

I have now being practicing online for about 10 years. From the early attempts using Skype and low internet bandwidth, I have moved to fiber optic internet and encrypted video systems.  Of course, this level of technology is an essential part of what I do and without it, nothing works. However, there is a lot more…

Thinking Wisely: Releasing The Inner Champion

My last two posts, I have looked at very dysfunctional voices in our heads and how easy it is to follow them. They offer quick-fix solutions that have no substance at all. The inner critic will keep you stuck in a situation with its lies and the inner rebel will offer a way out using…

The Inner Rebel: The Basis Of Addiction And Instant Gratification

I have written many times about the inner critic and the devastating effect he/she can have on the way we see the world. It consolidates rigid thinking that leaves us afraid to take risks, face normal challenges and move forward from situations that are dysfunctional. It fills us with fear and dread in its irrational…

Working With Your Inner Critic

There are a range of books that tell us how to deal with our family of inner critics. Most centre on mantras and progressively aggressive language to deal with them. While this can be useful, we have to remember that by isolating the critic and pushing it away, we are maybe losing an ideal opportunity to work…

When Negative Thinking Is Perfectly Justified

Can you imagine a therapist telling a patient to think negatively ? To concentrate on the less positive aspects of the issues they are having ? Sounds crazy and not too healthy but there are times when this kind of thinking can certainly be justified. Name any self-help book found on the shelves of any bookshop…

Identify The Rebel And The Critic And Release The Champion

When I sometimes take the time to analyse my patients at any given point, there are always many codependents among them. This might be because I have had my own issues with this and like to work with them or it might just be an indication of the size of the issue. Contrary to people…

Codependency: Why Emotional Manipulators Seem An Attractive Option

There is a mass of literature available on narcissism and codependency and a quick search on the internet will reveal hundreds of websites. It has become very fashionable to label a kind of self-centered behavior as narcissism and the “victim” as codependent. While there are truly many cases of this kind of emotional abuse, one…