My clients have been doing some serious work lately….leading to a few AHA moments.
There have been some exciting times in my practice in the last few weeks. The message is that hard work brings results. When I mean hard work, I am not talking about working physically or staying in the office for long hours but the hard work that it takes to face problems, make decisions that will have a bearing on the future and to expose yourself to those things that have been laying dormant for years. As Scott Peck famously stated:
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”
Scott Peck used this quote in the context of self discipline. How we mostly try to avoid facing problems and hope they go away. We replace this generally with the kind of instant gratification that fuels procrastination. Only in the constant facing of issues and overcoming them can we lead a more fulfilling life. Again Peck hits the nail on the head :
Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.
This has certainly been true for a few people lately and out of the death of old belief systems comes the new life that is beginning to spur them on to more fulfilled, realistic lives. (Note my reluctance to use the word “happy” in that last sentence. I have always felt that we are all under intense pressure to be happy in the way society deems fit. Happiness is individual to everyone and what makes one person happy is not deemed as happiness by others.) So what started off this series of positive events?
As a CBT therapist, I firmly believe that the way we live and see the world is totally formed by our thought schemas…that is our beliefs on various levels, absorbed by parental influence, environment and some genetics. Parents in their willingness to try to prepare their children for adulthood, sometimes fail to realise that seemingly small events can have a lasting effect on a child. A client of mine once said that he once spilled some milk at the breakfast table, causing his father to use the word “idiot” to describe him. He says, rightly, that he can never remember the circumstances or the place he did this but has never forgot being called an idiot. Not hard to work out what he absorbed from this experience. This example runs to the very center of what has happened over the last few weeks, we have been working on something specific. CBT states that long-standing beliefs about people, yourself and the world around you are called “core beliefs.” They can be positive and healthy or dysfunctional depending on the influences one has had. However, many of us consider these core beliefs to be 100% true and valid at all times, which can lead us to engage in “tunnel vision” of sorts…selectively ignoring evidence around us which is contradictory. Core beliefs are at the very heart of our belief system…the way we understand ourselves and everything around us, thereby making them very important to the emotional/mental health picture.
Albert Ellis, one of the founding fathers of CBT, believed that when all is said and done, people with dysfunctional core beliefs are usually only stricken with a combination of two. The world is a hopeless place and I am unlovable. These two alone can leave people with attitudes that other people are untrustworthy, the need to constantly proves themselves worthy, a feeling of not being good enough or the world is a dangerous place outside of their comfort zone, amongst others. Not hard to work out how these core beliefs and attitudes could have an effect on our automatic thoughts, emotions and the resulting behavior. Though everyone’s automatic thoughts are unique, there are also clear patterns of depressive automatic thoughts that form that are common across many people’s minds. Just look at these examples:
- Catastrophizing – always anticipating the worst possible outcome to occur (e.g., expecting to be criticized or fired when the boss calls).
- Filtering – exaggerating the negative and minimizing the positive aspects of an experience (e.g., focusing on all the extra work that went into a promotion rather than on how nice it is to have the promotion).
- Personalizing – automatically accepting blame when something bad occurs even when you had nothing to do with the cause of the negative event (e.g., He didn’t return my phone call because I am a terrible friend or a boring person; I caused him to not call.). This one is especially present in codependency.
- (Over)Generalizing – viewing isolated troubling events as evidence that all following events will become troubled (e.g., having one bad day means that the entire week is ruined).
- Polarizing – viewing situations in black or white (all bad or all good) terms rather than looking for the shades of gray (e.g., “I missed two questions on my exam, therefore I am stupid”, instead of “I need to study harder next time, but hey – I did pretty good anyway!”).
- Emotionalizing – allowing feelings about an event to override logical evaluation of the events that occurred during the event. (e.g., I feel so stupid that it’s obvious that I’m a stupid person).
This is where the hard work in therapy comes in, the realisation, acceptance and challenging of core beliefs. Cognitive behavioral therapists teach their clients to identify debate and then correct their irrational ideas. The disputing process involves teaching patients to systematically ask and answer a set of questions designed to draw out whether particular ideas have any basis. Examples of disputing questions include:
- Is there any evidence for this belief?
- What is the evidence against this belief?
- What is the worst that can happen if you give up this belief?
- What is the best that can happen?
This works on the basis that negative thoughts patterns are learnt and so can be unlearnt and replaced. After multiple sessions of CBT training, clients learn to monitor their own thoughts and perform the disputing process on their own outside of therapy sessions, becoming their own therapist in essence. I have experienced just that in the past few weeks.
Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a counselling psychologist in private practice working with individuals, couples, groups and companies with a speciality in CBT techniques. Apart from seeing clients face-to-face, Dr. Jenner also runs a thriving online therapy business bringing help to those who find taking therapy online as convenient and tailored for their needs. More Details HERE