Codependents and Break-ups

In my experience in treating codependents that find themselves alone, I often see feelings of guilt, self-blame and an overwhelming sense of responsibility for the break-up: “I could have done more”, “What did I do wrong?” are statements and questions I often hear.

Codependency Is Not Love With Dr. Nicholas Jenner

When a relationship breaks up, it is never easy. Feelings naturally run high and emotions can be overwhelming. How quickly one gets back on track depends a lot on the person. When that person is a codependent, it can be a lot worse. Codependents in relationships have an object of codependency to whom they are attached and fixated on. I have previously written on the sacrifice and martyrdom from codependents that keep their object in place.

This controlling measure is generally tolerated by a partner who is willing to take. A perfectly dysfunctional arrangement. What happens, however, when the ‘object’ is no longer there? The sacrifice has nowhere to go. Anyone reading this will know that it is very difficult to give inwardly to self. The self-esteem void that caused the codependency in the first place will ensure this is unlikely to happen. Instead, codependents are more likely to jump…

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  1 comment for “Codependents and Break-ups

  1. thehumanhurricane
    July 27, 2016 at 5:27 am

    Absolutely poignant to yours truly, except today, I am in relationship-abstinence and working a CoDA programme. I am learning to be okay on my own and it’s been liberating to say the least. Great post.


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