This is the first in a series of posts about change. Everbody talks about big changes, quantum leaps into a new way of living and seeing the world, shedding the shackles of the past and making the future brighter. Good as this is (and important), it is often the small daily changes we can make that have as much of an effect. My experience is that “sweating the small stuff” and daily stressors can lead to depression just as quickly as major events.
If you are like me, you will think about change many times during the day. I wish, I wish I hadn’t, I wish it wasn’t, I wish it could, etc, etc. How often do we wish things could be different, the we were different when things go wrong? Often these wishes remain just that, remote dreams of changing the way we do things. We often try hard to make our lives fruitful through work, relationships, being nice to people, developing hobbies, doing something worthwhile but there is always something gnawing at us inside. Even with these things, we feel unhappy, unfulfilled, lost and hopeless. Inevitably, the job goes wrong, partners leave and we can’t rid ourselves of the habits and thoughts that make us feel bad. We can get a new job, a new partner, a new look and it works for a while but the cycle goes on and our hope of change fades each time it does. We are jinxed, hopeless and doomed to live our lives this way. We even convince ourselves that is the case and in the end, give up trying.
My next few posts will be all about change. Setting out what we CAN change about ourselves and our behavior. How we can free ourselves of the assumptions and attitudes that were formed by our early need to survive. How we can create space for our basic goodness, our positive experiences, our “healthy island”. Our island is often closer than we think but we allow our problems to eclipse it. I will look at :
- How we can learn to observe and learn about what happens to us.
- How we can identify the patterns that determine how we think and behave.
- How we can revise old, redundant survival beliefs.
- How we can make space for our healthy island and nourish it.
- How we can recognise the difference between our old survival self dominated by faulty thinking and the energy we can get from our healthy island.
Even though we cannot hope to change the fundamental core of what we are, we can change the old survival thinking that has a hold on us and limits our choices and ambitions and fuels depression. We are usually unaware that this thinking has an effect on our everyday lives. We all carry a part of us that is wounded in some way. How we carry this determines how we see our depression. Either the passive ” I am depressed and nothing and no-one can help me” or ” I accept I have depression but I can address it and take care of it”. Once we can engage ourselves in this way, we can take up the challenge of looking at ourselves afresh.
Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a Counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals,couples, groups and companies globally. Online therapy is, in his experience, effective for treating a number of major conditions. Are you having issues that you need to talk through? He has a range of plans that can help you get the help you need. Online Therapy details : Here …….