The Mental Torment of Sexually Abused Children

TRIGGER WARNING : If you are uncomfortable reading about sexual abuse, please do not read further.

It is estimated that up to fifty percent of sexual abuse victims who receive medical treatment after episodes of abuse carry no physical scars at all. However, it is also estimated that all of them will carry the mental scars for most, if not all of their lives. This makes perfect sense. Abuse victims often report that the physical touch was not the worst part of the abuse but the burden of carrying the “secret” and knowledge of the abuse which stays with them at all times superseded this many times over. This burden also carries the responsibility of what to do with this information. Revealing it could mean being taken away from loved ones or the break-up of a family as well as legal consequences for the abuser. This can cause great hardship for a young mind.

The mental aspects of abuse are cleverly manipulated by the abuser. While the physical boundaries are being destroyed and violated, so is the mind. A child can be lead to believe that their body and mind are under the control of others.  Abusers often try to convince a child that what they might believe is happening is really not or when it is mentioned, the child is blamed and the abuse often denied and ignored. Another method is to rename the abuse as a “special” game that only the child is allowed to play. Statistics tell us that most incidents of abuse take place at night, often leading the child to believe it was a dream and making recollection hazy. The sad fact is that many sexually abused children are denied the right to justice due to the mental manipulation of the abuser and carry these scars for a lifetime, trying to cope with life as best they can. However, mental health issues as a result of the abuse are often played out later in life as the subsequent adult tries to deal with the torment of the past. Let’s look at some of these :

Dissociation

Children who are abused tend to emotionally shut off while the abuse is taking place. However, they often take this defense mechanism into adulthood and dissociate when confronted with anything that reminds them of the abuse. Hence, they find it hard to enjoy close relationships and intimacy. This dissociation can range from the mild, referring to oneself in the third person, to extreme complete depersonalization. Due to the abuse, many victims have been taught (or indeed taught themselves) to ignore feelings and emotions, so they often see this behavior as “normal”. In some cases, when the abused has not been believed, the dissociation acts almost as a “friend” and in a way protecting and validating them as it did at the time of the abuse. Many hold onto this and are afraid to let it go, fearing life without it. Since there is a strong likelihood that the victim was in a dissociative state at the time of the abuse, they often find that large chunks of memory of the abuse and other times in their life are blurred, often returning briefly in dreams and flashbacks.

Multiple Personality Disorder

The most extreme example of dissociation is the formation of two or more distinct personalities that take over control of behavior. Research tells us that most sufferers of MPD had a history of sexual abuse in childhood.  Multiple personality disorder typically develops at a young age because of some kind of very traumatic experience, usually long-lasting and severe abuse. The earliest age when MPD can develop has not been clearly established, but seems to coincide with early infancy. Abuse that leads to development of multiple personality can be emotional, physical, or sexual, or combinations thereof. In reality, all abuse is mental. The mind perceives and interprets the harmful acts as abusive. The after effects of childhood sexual abuse seem to be responsible for more than 90% of all MPD cases. By contrast, non-abusive traumatic events do not cause multiplicity. Multiple personality disorder only develops when a person is helpless and unable to escape  suffering or the threat of suffering, especially when the abuse is repetitive or lasting weeks, months, and years. A significant factor leading to the development of multiple personality is the dependence of the victim on the abuser and establishment of a personal relationship . The abuser becomes an essential and psychologically inseparable part of existence, but also the torturer in the mental sense. The cognitive substrate of the brain is unable to reconcile these dramatically opposing experiences and is forced to split into pieces. The likely triggers (severe traumas) of permanent dissociation hint that the number of possible personalities could run in the dozens. In extreme cases, when the abuse is lifelong, several hundred personalities might be expected to exist.

Mentality

One of the most crippling aspects of sexual abuse is the development of an unhealthy outlook on life in the form of a set mentality. Unlike the diagnosable disorders above, mentalities are often more subtle but just as destructive in their own way. For example, many abused children take on a victim mentality as the child starts to organise the world around its own wound. The abused child sees the world as unsafe, unpredictable and dangerous. The child has learnt through the abuse that what they feel, want or think make no difference and they feel hopeless, ineffective and lack the ability to contradict this with evidence to the contrary. They are often tormented with the thoughts they they were somehow to blame for the abuse and they asked for it or deserved it. Life is consequently full of “shoulds”, leading the abused to the mistaken belief that they had a choice. The basic assumptions about life that most of us take for granted are challenged in a victim mentality, that is invulnerability, I can’t or won’t get hurt, I have worth and the world is understandable and has meaning. These thoughts often lead to problems in later life by seeing poor treatment by others as “normal”, an acceptance that abilities to change are limited and an exaggerated sense of self-blame. Most adults in these cases are passive people. However, paradoxically, some can become agressive…treating others poorly as defense against being hurt. Some become perfectionists, wrongly believing that one needs to be perfect to be accepted. Other attempt to keep control over others while fearing losing control themselves.

Once again, the attitude of the offender has a lot to do with the formation of a victim mentality in the abused. Many abusers show characteristic of “other”-blame as opposed to the self-blame shown by victims and they fit well together. Often an offender will blame the child for “seducing” them or blame circumstances for the abuse. An person with offender mentality will continue to abuse without being overwhelmed with guilt or remorse so there is no internal motivation to stop. They can always find a justification for it. They often paint themselves as “misunderstood” or “framed” by society and sometimes the victim. There is some feeling that people with the offender mentality are often substance abusers as well. In one recent study, up to 45 % of abusers who “blamed” the victim were either alcoholics or took drugs to some degree. This could suggest that substance abuse causes sexual abuse but more likely, the offenders were looking to find a reason to justify what had happened.

This is just a small portion of the disorders that can arise from abuse..there are many others. However, in therapy, the biggest gift a therapist can give an abuse victim is to believe their story and help them relive it in such a way that they can reconstruct their world and gain new insight. It helps to show abuse victims how to question long held beliefs about themselves and the world and their place in it. This is incredibly important as in some quarters, there is the belief that victims often lie about abuse. In my experience of treating victims (and being one myself), they rather tend to minimise it. It is also vital that the therapist feels the need to show emotion towards the act of abuse and the abuser. Many victims have been met with stonewall faces and attitudes all their lives and it can be refreshing to come across someone who feels outrage when talking about it.

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a Counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals,couples,  groups and companies globally. Online therapy is, in my experience, effective for treating a number of major conditions. Are you having issues that you need to talk through? I have a range of plans that can help you get the help you need.  Online Therapy details : Here …… Take advantage of the “online therapy” tester. Try the first three sessions for free. Contact me for more details.

  12 comments for “The Mental Torment of Sexually Abused Children

  1. February 24, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    This is extremely accurate , as I have endured 7 years living and dealing and supporting the Identity manifestations of a wife who endured a gross childhood….and although I would say there has been about 80% healing, through a variety of trained counselors, the full acceptance of what probably occurred at the hands of the parent or parents , has to this day , been an almost impossible subject to be brought up.

    D.I.D. is very real. In my view it is demonic at its core, ….only Satan desires to destroy children and thus, their future God-given destinies.

    Many situations we witness of mass murder and the like all have a similar common denominator in the early lives of the perpetrators….and toss in a toxic environment through their develolmental years, and presto, perfect concoction for whom or what we now , sadly , if not erroneously, label as ” he is a psycho”.

    Terrific post…

    • February 24, 2013 at 4:12 pm

      Gary…thanks for the comment and wow..what a situation. I believe your wife is very lucky to have someone with her who has taken the time to understand what has happened to her and supports her in dealing with it. DID is indeed very real and many people live with it. Unfortunately, many therapists and doctor do not or will not diagnose it properly. Here in Europe, it is seen as a fad disorder and many go without proper treatment.

  2. February 25, 2013 at 1:39 am

    Reblogged this on sfboy1983 and commented:
    I can only relate too well. This is masterfully written.

  3. February 25, 2013 at 4:59 am

    Unfortunately I was one of these people. I have Bipolar 2, mild OCD. Anxiety/mood disorder and borderline personality disorder! Actually I’m quite sane!! That’s why I hate labeling so much. Hugs Paula xxxx

    • February 25, 2013 at 5:12 am

      Labeling is never healthy. It is however amazing how many people are suffering due to abuse. Since posting this, my mailbox has been quite busy with victims wanting to tell their story.

  4. April 5, 2013 at 9:09 am

    While i disagree with some of this, such as : “In reality, all abuse is mental. The mind perceives and interprets the harmful acts as abusive ” , I applaud your attempts at truth-telling. I know of what you speak all too well tho prefer not to give my past public scrutiny. Keep telling the stories–I appreciated your trigger warnings! The public, many of whom still carry the stigma of what they “think” mental illness to be, need education of the realities.

    While we live in an age of progress, I have seen little in the stigmatization of even the word “depression”. With education, speaking the truth, and a willingness to open one’s mind, perhaps one day we will all see and benefit from a change of minds.

    Blessings~

    • April 5, 2013 at 12:03 pm

      Thanks for the comment. I agree fully concerning education…it is badly needed. As for the part of the post you disagreed with,I was trying to get across that whatever abuse a child suffers, in the end, it manifests itself mentally in the form of a disorder or mental illness. The mental aspect is important. An abuser will manipulate a child first psychologically before physical touch takes place.

      • April 5, 2013 at 12:44 pm

        Thank you for the clarification. It is important that abuse of any kind not be seen as the manifestation of the abused rather than an act of violation by the perpetrator. As one who has experienced and survived sexual abuse, I am sensitive to the meaning behind the words used to describe those such as myself.

        Thank you for being willing to take the time to educate and perhaps enlighten those who live otherwise…. L’Adelaide

  5. August 5, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Reblogged this on innerlight and commented:
    “the biggest gift a therapist can give an abuse victim is to believe their story and help them relive it in such a way that they can reconstruct their world and gain new insight.”
    I just experienced this with a therapist of mine, and it shifted some mountains inside me. I don’t know what it was about her, or the moment, or me, but she reacted in a way that helped me to take a step towards believing that It actually did happen and was wrong.
    I’m so glad I found this article; I thought I’d lost it, and looked for it in all my browser history several times. And so here it is. With love, for all the survivors.

  6. chris60
    August 20, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Sexual abuse usually follows other initial attempts to groom the victim into perceiving that she or he is not entitled to control her or his own body, and exists to place the needs of the sexual predator before her or his own. The ensuing guilt and confusion can be crippling, and program victims to please and serve others before themselves. As a sexual abuse survivor, I become confused about the social trend to push for sexual intimacy and then develop emotional intimacy as this tends to confuse what a person may actually want and need. When abuse occurs in the family the after effects are shattering as a pervasive sense of insecurity and doubt haunts the victim in a double bind where the social pressure to keep a family intact by not mentioning the ugly secret may work against the best interests of the victim to be able to enjoy safe relationships with those who should have offered support instead of abuse. The main problem is that most perpetrators are not strangers and can also be kind and generous to the victim, offering to pay for meals and drinks or help in other ways, while also “using” the target to fulfill their own physical needs. People are a mix of good and bad, and hence the big problem trying to reconcile how someone who has shown kindness can also be grossly abusive. The psychic schism feels like torture to resolve. During therapy it felt as if someone was burning my brain with a blow torch, and the front of my brain literally felt as if it had been cleaved in two. Good news is the pain abates. Bad news is the agony needs to be confronted to be resolved.

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