Working hard on core beliefs….

My clients have been doing some serious work lately….leading to a few AHA moments.

There have been some exciting times in my practice in the last few weeks. Whether it is with my more traditional face to face clients or the exciting new world of online therapy, the message is the same. Hard work brings results. When I mean hard work, I am not talking about working physically or staying in the office for long hours but the hard work that it takes to face problems, make decisions that will have a bearing on the future and to expose yourself to those things that have been laying dormant for years. As Scott Peck famously stated:

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” 

This has certainly been true for a few people lately and out of the death of old belief systems comes the new life that is beginning to spur them on to more fulfilled, realistic lives. (Note my reluctance to use the word “happy” in that last sentence. I have always felt that we are all under intense pressure to be happy in the way society deems fit. Happiness is individual to everyone and what makes one person happy is not deemed as happiness by others.) So what started off this series of positive events?

As a CBT therapist, I firmly believe that the way we live and see the world is totally formed by our thought schemas…that is our beliefs on various levels, absorbed by parental influence, environment and some genetics. Parents in their willingness to try to prepare their children for adulthood, sometimes fail to realise that seemingly small events can have a lasting effect on a child. A client of mine once said that he once spilled some milk at the breakfast table, causing his father to use the word “idiot” to describe him. He says, rightly, that he can never remember the circumstances or the place he did this but has never forgot being called an idiot. Not hard to work out what he absorbed from this experience. This example runs to the very center of what has happened over the last few weeks, we have been working on something specific. CBT states  that long-standing beliefs about people, yourself and the world around you are called “core beliefs.”  They can be positive and healthy or dysfunctional depending on the influences had. However, many of us consider these core beliefs to be 100% true and valid at all times, which can lead us to engage in “tunnel vision” of sorts…selectively ignoring evidence around us which is contradictory. Core beliefs are at the very heart of our belief system…the way we understand ourselves and everything  around us, thereby making them very important to the emotional/mental health picture.

Albert Ellis, one of the founding fathers of CBT, believed that when all is said and done, people with dysfunctional core beliefs are usually only stricken with a combination of two. The world is a hopeless place and I am unlovable. These two alone can leave people with attitudes that other people are untrustworthy, the need to constantly proves themselves worthy, a feeling of not being good enough or the world is a dangerous place outside of their comfort zone, amongst others. Not hard to work out how these core beliefs and attitudes could have an effect on our automatic thoughts, emotions and the resulting behavior.  Though everyone’s automatic thoughts are unique, there are also clear patterns of depressive automatic thoughts that form that are common across many  people’s minds. Just look at these examples:

  • Catastrophizing – always anticipating the worst possible outcome to occur (e.g., expecting to be criticized or fired when the boss calls).
  • Filtering – exaggerating the negative and minimizing the positive aspects of an experience (e.g., focusing on all the extra work that went into a promotion rather than on how nice it is to have the promotion).
  • Personalizing – automatically accepting blame when something bad occurs even when you had nothing to do with the cause of the negative event (e.g., He didn’t return my phone call because I am a terrible friend or a boring person; I caused him to not call.).
  • (Over)Generalizing – viewing isolated troubling events as evidence that all following events will become troubled (e.g., having one bad day means that the entire week is ruined).
  • Polarizing – viewing situations in black or white (all bad or all good) terms rather than looking for the shades of gray (e.g., “I missed two questions on my exam, therefore I am stupid”, instead of “I need to study harder next time, but hey – I did pretty good anyway!”).
  • Emotionalizing – allowing feelings about an event to override logical evaluation of the events that occurred during the event. (e.g., I feel so stupid that it’s obvious that I’m a stupid person).

This is where the hard work in therapy comes in, the realisation, acceptance and challenging of core beliefs. Cognitive behavioral therapists teach their clients to identify debate and then correct their irrational ideas. The disputing process involves teaching patients to systematically ask and answer a set of questions designed to draw out whether particular ideas have any basis. Examples of disputing questions include:

  1. Is there any evidence for this belief?
  2. What is the evidence against this belief?
  3. What is the worst that can happen if you give up this belief?
  4. What is the best that can happen?

This works on the basis that negative thoughts patterns are learnt and so can be unlearnt and replaced. After multiple sessions of CBT training, clients learn to monitor their own thoughts and perform the disputing process on their own outside of therapy sessions, becoming their own therapist in essence. I have experienced just that in the past few weeks.

 

Dr. Nicholas Jenner is a Counseling psychologist in private practice working with individuals, couples, groups and companies. Apart from seeing clients face-to-face, Dr Jenner also runs a thriving online therapy business bringing help to those who are housebound or located in rural locations where therapy is difficult to find. For more information , follow the link to his website HERE

Want to know more about Dr Nicholas Jenner? Check out what his clients say….HERE

  17 comments for “Working hard on core beliefs….

  1. artyelf
    July 1, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I firmly believe in CBT, I still have a long way to go, but it really does help to challenge and replace unwanted and untrue learnt words. Thanks for the reminder.
    P.S. Congrats on your new expectant arrival – how exciting!

    Like

    • July 1, 2012 at 6:58 pm

      Thanks for the comment and hope you are well. Despite what some people think, therapy takes time, hard work and practice. Thanks for the congrats….very nice of you 🙂

      Like

  2. Jaen Wirefly
    July 1, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Sometimes the world isn’t fair and that’s the way it is.

    Like

    • July 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm

      Jean…that is true, however we don’t need to accept that. Much of the unfairness in the world is man made.

      Like

      • Jaen Wirefly
        July 1, 2012 at 11:09 pm

        You are correct. If people decided to be kind with one another there wouldn’t be many problems at all. We’re at a point in humanity where we’re so medically and technologically advanced and have learned to protect ourselves against the elements.

        (We haven’t however learned to protect ourselves against each other.)

        BTW – it’s Jaen not Jean, pronounced Jane. 😉

        Like

      • July 1, 2012 at 11:18 pm

        My apologies…must have been the spellchecker:-)

        Like

      • Jaen Wirefly
        July 1, 2012 at 11:27 pm

        LOL 😉

        Like

  3. July 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Always very interesting, Dr J.

    Like

  4. eatwilmington
    July 1, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Hi Dr. Jenner, I have been working hard at tearing down my flawed belief system as you speak of here. It is hard work because it takes some digging through the layers of dirt from years of operating that way to discover the core belief behind it all. It gets easier, though, with practice. As for your end thought, the world has always been a scary and unpredictable place. If there is love, compassion, and good examples in your home of how to cope, I have no doubt you and your wife be great parents and raise a happy, healthy child. It is sad that your friend’s business fell victim to the cold, hard money machine he had supported all these years. Hopefully, like me, he will come to see the blessing in disguise that is an opportunity to start over and live a smaller life free of dependence on the machine!

    Like

    • July 1, 2012 at 7:08 pm

      Thanks for the comment. It is true that we have no chance of changing the world as it stands unless we have a major change in global thinking. As you said, we can start this at home in a small way trying to protect ourselves from the machine, as you put it. As for my friend, he has already looking at things a bit differently and is hoping to live his life in a very different way. Just for your reference, his business could have been saved with just one hundredth of the CEO`s bonus.

      Like

  5. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital)
    July 1, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    All the best to you and your wife for the upcoming birth.

    Like

  6. July 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Great post Dr. Jenner, I think you are with the 99% on the banking issue, I don’t get it either….

    Like

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