Soothing Our “Child Part” Will Keep The Narcissist At Bay

I have worked with codependents for many years and have witnessed first-hand the devastation that occurs when a cruel, self-centred individual breezes in and out of their life. Life is not the same for a while and self-confidence and a belief in ability to live life in a functional way is replaced by low self-esteem,…

Narcissist Abuse: Being Hooked By The Illusion

As humans, we have a never-ending ability to see the good in others. We forgive, we forget, we give the benefit of the doubt. Admirable as these qualities are, it might sometimes leave us with a lack of objectivity. The objectivity we need to make decisions. In the case of relationships, we can react appropriately…

Conditioning can be changed but it takes hard work and awareness.

A client who has been coming to therapy for quite some time, recently had a revelation where she finally realised that her family had conditioned her as a child to believe that she needed to behave in a certain way. Intellectually, she always knew this but emotionally she could not accept it. She had always…

Working hard on core beliefs….

My clients have been doing some serious work lately….leading to a few AHA moments. There have been some exciting times in my practice in the last few weeks. The message to come from this is hard work brings results. When I mean hard work, I am not talking about working physically or staying in the…

Having Trouble With Conflict Management And Resolution; Set Rules

Many good relationships can be tarnished by conflict. Conflict is truly inevitable when two people come together and the ability to manage it and find solutions will go a long way to predicting how long they might stay together. In fact, many observers will suggest that it is probably the most important aspect of a…

Why Codependents Often Think Narcissist Abuse Is Because Of Them

Sometimes the hardest task for a therapist is to convince a codependent that they have actually been abused by their narcissist (ex) partner. Look at some of the statements I have heard: “If I had not been so needy, maybe it would have worked” “It must have been me. All other relationships I had were…

Nostalgia And Connecting With My Inner Self

I have recently been very nostalgic about the Seventies. Not with any great fondness but it was a very significant time for me. In this decade, I went from being 8 to 18 and my near adult self was formed. Growing up in the UK at this time was not easy. The political ┬ásituation was…

The Value Of Assignments In Therapy Cannot Be Understated

One of my clients said to me the other day that she had seen many therapists but no-one like me. While I was still trying to work out whether this was a compliment or not, she clarified this by saying that she has had more contact with me in three months than with others in…

The “Golden Child” Is An Abused Child…Simple

There are many articles around on the internet about all types of narcissism and the dangers of being in a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. The advice is clear : get away from the situation as quickly as possible. Anyone who is more on the codependent side of the continuum will testify that…