This Saturday, I reach a milestone in my life. Yes, I reach 50. For some it is the beginning of the end, for some it is the end but for me it is the beginning. If you read my last post, you will realise that I spent almost thirty years trying to make sense of an event that occurred when I was 11. I am now in a position where I can look forward to the rest of my life with the anticipation of catching up on some of the things I have missed out on. This year will be very special for me (more about that later). I often liken the changes in my life to the changes in the seasons as this seems very appropriate somehow.
Some people love the summertime, others love the cold of the winter. Me? More than anything, I love the changing of the seasons. It really doesn’t matter from what season to another, I love the fact that there’s a certainty, a progress to the year that you can count on almost like nothing else in this world. Autumn doesn’t care if you’re sad or depressed, it’s coming nonetheless. And winter won’t hold off until you’re feeling less anxious or manic. The seasons will change no matter what happens in our small lives or on the planet we live on.There is something comforting about that. Seasons put my life into perspective. I gaze out onto the trees in my back garden and know not only that some of them are older than me, but will be here for many generations to come long after I’m gone. It puts things into perspective for me. Perspective is that we age really, really fast. In one blink of an eye, we’ve blown through another 5 years in our lives. Before you know it, you’re in your 20s, or 30s, or 40s. Decades seem to fly by if you’re not careful. Don’t get me wrong, I believe I’ve led a pretty full life (although it’s become a lot fuller since I met my wife a few years ago). But I also think that time can get by you if you’re not careful and you should always be aware of ways to ensure you’re not only enjoying as much of it as you can, but are living the life you want to live. Some people live life as though it were a dress rehearsal. They believe that you shouldn’t act in the moment, because another moment will always be there. I thought that way once too, when I was younger. I let so many opportunities and possibilities pass me by because I was too shy or too self-conscious to grab a hold of the moment and make it mine. No longer. I pursue every opportunity that presents itself, and try and live as much in the moment as possible. I’ve come to finally realize that the changing of the seasons is also a time when looking back brings new momentum, learning from successes and failures and looking forward to new exciting things to come.
I don’t pretend it’s always easy. I lose track of days and weeks that seem to melt into months and before I know it, another season has come and gone. I look back on it and say, “What do I have to show for the past 3 months?” Sometimes, not a lot. Sometimes I will think only in terms of my work or career, and put aside my own spiritual, relationship and emotional development. I have to try and as much as possible be a whole person… and work on all areas in my life as much as possible day to day, week to week, and month to month. Sure, some weeks, some area may suffer from a little neglect. But I should never let months or seasons go by without paying attention and feeding my relationship, my spirituality, my emotional needs, and my career.
It is hard to know what will happen in the future and actually, it is good not to know. I have had enough brushes with death to know that life cannot be taken for granted.All I can say is that I am happy with my life as I reach 50. I am in a good place.